School Shmool

I can't sleep right now... why? This is why. I love to write, it is the thing that puts me most in touch with who I am and how I am feeling. It is my communication. I can read things I wrote from days, weeks or years ago and immediately know how I was feeling and who I was, how things have changed.

So why can't I sleep? Today I had another piece of writing rejected at school. We've been back for 7 weeks now, and in that time we've had an english assignment (a short story) and a drama assignment (play about personal experience), we also have a feature article for english to write. Of 4 drafts for these assignments that I've now handed in, all of them have been critisized harshly. Not because they're terrible pieces, but because they don't meet the pretty little mould that I am expected to write for.

I tell it how it is. That's what I do when I write. I let my soul into it and so when someone says that my work (which was forced initially) does not meet standards, then it strips me of more and more energy. For example, drama, we have to write this script about feminism, so I chose something and when I wrote about it, my teacher said it was an R rated Home and Away. It was something that really happened and I told it how it was. I made my point. So how dare someone say that my experiences are not valid?

Right now I want to give up on school. I am so tired and sick of trying so hard and being told it doesn't meet the standard. It makes me feel stupid. It makes who I am less important. Why should I bother with all of this extra stress? What does it gain me? The same education that practically every other kid gets! But I don't feel educated... I hate it so much. Could I not just learn at my own free-will rather than being force fed all of the thoughts and feelings and values that I am expected to have? I want to love learning, but all I feel now is loathing. I don't care about ANYTHING regarding school. I am tired and creatively, emotionally and mentally stripped of everything I know. In the true ecclesiastes style, it is all meaningless. Does knowing how to quote the works of Shakespeare gonna make life any richer? Is being able to spew out politically correct jargon and repeat the thoughts and whatever of all the "heroes" (or so they are called) going to get me anywhere?

Shakespeare said that there is "method in madness" well I promise you, I feel mad, but there is absolutely no method. I really really can't stand this and have not got the energy to sustain such useless, meaningless, pointlessly riduculous and plain boring crap that is dished out to us.

I say to education: stop stripping me of my individuality. Stop making me another product of a self-righteous system. Give back my identity. I want to be me and not some robot child.

Strong words? Yeah maybe, but hey, I like to tell it how it is. You want me to think, well these are my thoughts. They may teach us strong words to use to support their crummy arguements, but I can reverse it back in their faces. I need to do something with my life that has value and point. And I guess that's it. Perhaps tonight I will rest?