Something just occurred to me. In my blogs I have a slight tendency to comment on not so good things that are going on in my life. This kind of made me think and what it comes down to is that I need to vent sometimes. Otherwise I bottle things up and carry them around. I let them manifest within me and I know how difficult and painful it is to give over old hurts to God.

I always think it is like a rose bush. As an infant, within us God has planted a seed that is a rose. When we grow, if we do not allow Him to be our Gardener, the beautiful roses get lost amongst thorns and dead folliage. We find ourselves being stabbed and pricked by the thorns and out outlook on life is depresssed because our Garden is not beautiful anymore. God allows us to rip up this old damaged garden and start again, but that hurts more than anything else ever could. You fight this battle of the deeply embedded thorns hanging onto your soul and flesh whilst God in all His power rips and pulls it out. There, with scars you are left to bleed, totally empty. But that emptiness is not bad. It is a great relief. Then our loving father comes along and gently heals the wounds and replants a beautiful rose. When you experience the refreshed feeling of a perfect rose that is your heart, you never want to let it be damaged by the wind and water and stones that come from life. The truth is you can't stop the damage, but you can allow the Gardener to pull away the thorns as they appear. A lifetime of this gives us a life of fullness and joy and love.

Right now, I have a lot of thorns appearing. There are problems with Scott that cause so much stress and pressure, there is financial problems at home, school is tough and there is far too much work to do, Antony and I don't get much time together and then daily a whole host of other minor issues pop up. But you know what, despite the outward appearance, I am actually doing ok. I get frustrated and annoyed. I cry sometimes. But I always know that in the morning I will be ok. Things will get better. The troubles will pass. And my Gardener is paying extra special attention to my vulnerable garden. And so I know that things will be fine.

You know how we have these Bible versus that get thrown around all over the place... well at the moment, Jeremiah 9:11 is very true for me. He does know the plans for my life and I am sure that they are only for the better.

I also love this verse in Ecclesiastes "To the man who pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner He gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God"

I first read this verse and thought it kind of selfish. That some people should just get everything. That our God works on a deserve-based system. But I think God is just saying that we should not seek to gain everything the world desires, and if only follow Him we will be rewarded for faithfulness and obedience by His precious gifts. With this thought in mind, I have recently been questioning MY plans for next year when I finish school. Yes they were based on what I believe God has provided me with gifts and interests in and yes, I had every intention to offer my life up to Him, but perhaps I was just a little too focussed on what I thought God needed, instead of what He actually needs... We shall see....

All I can do now is to hand it over to Him. Live for today. Forget about how I need to do maths homework tomorrow night and rather, focus on the legal assignment that needs doing today. School can seem so mundane sometimes, but I guess in life there will always be periods of stress and times when we think everything we do is pointless. Although, another thought just came to me... In the last year, I have seen three of my school friends begin a journey with Christ... so is school a total waste of time? Hmm, perhaps not!

But for now, I think I might go finish a legal studies assignment whose due date is looming!

Please pray for:

1. Scott and whatever it is that is going on in his life. That I learn to have tolerance and that I can be as well equipped to learn and assist with his choices.
2. School - that I will be sustained in both energy and commitment and that hard work is rewarded
3. That I will continue to seek after God first and that circumstances don't pull me away
4. Money and resources both for me personally and for the family
5. For safety, especially with Scott
6. That His plan for me in the future will become clearer and that whatever I need to fulfill these will be provided.