So spent a lovely evening with Antony. Went over to his house after school yesterday. We were going to go out together for dinner or something, but it was raining, so we got pizza instead! It's cool, we agree on our pizza flavour and discovered that we both love the same kind of chocolate... Cherry Ripe!!! On Wednesday night after debating we pooled all of our $2.80 to get a Cherry Ripe at the train station. But it's wierd that we've been together for what feels like ages *20 days short a yr* and yet we didn't even know that we both adore the same chocolate!!! Cool all the same. So yes, pizza... and we watched cheaper by the dozen on dvd and agreed not to have 12 children! LOL. And because no one was there that night... yes Bec, shouldn't have been in that place of temptation... we also agreed not to start having any children whilst no one else was in the house for the next 12 + hrs... LOL, already decided long ago.

Our evening turned into tears... not happy ones or sad ones either. Tears of comprimise. My decisions are going to influence Antony whether we like it or not. This makes it hard because God talks about valueing singleness for the undivided heart. This is something I cannot say I have. No matter what happens in my life, it probably will always affect Antony and so I feel divided already in my choices. Do what God says or follow your heart for someone who has enriched your life so greatly and lovingly? It is easy to say put God first, and Antony reminded me of when he and I began dating that I said God would always come first. When it comes to the crunch, I will, but I am also so stronly attached to Antony and so it is incredibly hard just to even contemplate choosing a different path in life, even if it is only for a short time. I fear that he will feel pressured, neglected etc. So we talked. And cried. Cried a lot actually. Just because the hardest thing we may ever have to deal with is being apart! This is not set in stone, for we may not be apart ever, but it's quite possible. In the end we were laughing for no apparent reason. At some stage I think we were laughing about banana's! It's the best feeling when someone can cry with you one minute and laugh about the stupidest thing the next... literally.

I respect him also so much. I fell asleep on the couch whilst watching a movie. He was on the couch with me and could have easily gone to sleep with me. I woke alone this morning. Sure, I got picked up and carried around the place for about the next half hr, but I woke alone. Antony told me it crossed his mind that he could just go to sleep. And the truth is, that it probably would not have been a huge deal, but it is a comfort to know that he respects the parameters of our relationship even when I am not consciously monitoring them! Not that I didn't trust him prior, but I am happy with how things panned out. It gives me confidence in the stability of our relationship... and that does not become contentness, just confidence.

In saying all that, not going to throw myself into the situation of spending the night alone with him. It was a one off type thing. So Bec, relax... hehe, told mum I was 13hrs pregnant! I'm so mean! LOL

And finally, he bought me a teddy bear today! I fell in love with it and said it reminded me of him. It has white overalls on. It reminds me of him because I see the overalls as a symbol of working and prepared to get dirty. So it makes me think of him and how he will do anything for me and his servant heart towards others. I didn't fully explain it, I just said it's face reminded me of him coz it is furry! Hehe, our little joke!

I know I know, you need a kidney dish to vomit in, but yeah. People say sometimes that I am crazy for thinking of Antony and seeing us married with kiddies one day. Most teens think about the now only and don't think like that. But I wouldn't have wanted things to be any other way, I love the fact that from day 1, I saw Antony as someone I could love, trust, be friends with and one day share my entire life with. Not just someone to make out with on the couch for a few months!!!

Relationships can kill us and our livlihood, and they can rebuild us, grow us and challenge us and in fact, be the most beautiful thing in our lives!