Sometimes I wish I wasn't me....

But then at other times, who I am is quite enough.

I hear stories all the time of people being persecuted beyond comprehension, I hear of pain, I see people who go through so much more than I will probably ever know. I see illness, suffering and hurt. And I sit here in my comfortable world and say I can't handle my life! And I do stupid things in the name of "coping." I ask the questions of "why me?" and I demand from God that He gives me a break. Some people might see me as a pouting, whinging child... perhaps that's what I am?

But we can't measure pain. Everyone has their own richter scale of what hurts. I had a friend today on the bus, who was having a fight with one of her friends... basically they were being rather brutal with one another. What it came down to, was that the girl on the bus (let's call her Sarah) had allegedly gossiped about (hmm, Chelsea) who wore make up to school today because it was photos (this, I was also guilty of! LOL, cold weather does evil things to my complexion). Chelsea was incredibly hurt and dug up a bunch of other times when Sarah had gossiped. The whole situation seemed so trivial and pointless... like why does what someone say about your makeup have to play such a huge part of your friendship? But I am realising tonight that what people say matters to all of us. This fight meant a lot to those in it, even though I look over the whole thing and wish that was the hardest I ever had to deal with!

I bet I could tell my life story to someone else who has been through worse, and they might think the same thing about me. But what they cannot deny is that my experience is real, and painful for me. Just as I cannot deny that the gossiping situation was painful for those involved. No body can judge us for what makes us hurt, rather we should stand along side and build one another up. When one part suffers, we all suffer.

This comes from me knowing how it feels to be judged for hardships and the way I've handled them. Geez, how nice would it be if we were built with coping mechanisms!? Working it all out is the hardest bit. I haven't come close to working it out and I hurt nearly every day. Some weeks feel like my eyes are full of tears more often than not. I go sleepless for nights in a row, then crash. I get sick from constant stress and pressure. But, things get better somewhere... I think!