I mourn the loss of something special today.

I've lost my Dad. I've lost my pets and friends. I've lost competitions and I've lost things of sentimental value.

Today I lost hope. Life is not nice. Life is not kind. Life hurts and it hurts and hurts and hurts and then finally, it becomes so bad that you become numb to pain. And that's when you lose hope.

More stuff has happened with Scott and I don't wanna talk about it much. But do you know how it feels when you have a little brother is maybe just weeks away from living under a bridge? Mum told him today that she is about to kick him out... that one more thing. She doesn't wanna know him.

I try to keep quiet amongst all of this crap, but I get sick of it and it affects me more than most people realise. I cry so often about family crap and by the way, Scott's new "pet name" for me is Fucking Bitch. Don't like the language? Deal with it, coz I get called that everyday of my life and it is usually accompanied with "I hate you" so that's just grand. Life is a bitch, life is a bitch.

BUT I shall keep pressing forward, I just don't know how well I can handle it or for how much longer. I am really scared about everything but I keep reminding myself of Philippians 4:4 - 8 but I can't seem to rid myself of hurts. And I no longer hope for a bright future, I just wait to die. Then maybe if things get better, I will know to appreciate it so much better.