Hehe I didn't realise I could change my text colour... but now that I know... I will be able to have so much more fun! Fun... it's not a word that is in my vernacular at the moment...
I have a new theory, and that is that Australia makes grade 12 impossibly difficult so that we can all become mental cases... then when everyone is unemployed, Mr Johny can say it is because we have a rising epidemic of mental illness in our country.
Or maybe not everyone has a huge issue with year 12, maybe it's a me thing. But either way things are still sucking... and you know what my current complain is? This:
My brother is on the brink of being kicked out of home. Everyday there is yelling and screaming and swearing and whatever. People are always stressed around the house. Scott hates me and he hates mum... so many times I have just cried and cried because I see it all turning to crap and quite frankly, it stinks. I mean, I get ill thinking about being at home and if I could I would move out. But instead I just put up with it as much as possible and leave when I need to.
I have that much school work to catch up on it's not funny. Doesn't seem to matter how much I actually do, I'm swamped and ergh, I don't want to think about it. Oh, and I hate school coz heaps of people there hate me and so it's this little cycle of everyone hating Cassie and Cassie just kinda existing and dealing and waiting with baited breath till November when she can get out!
One of my favourite bits of life at the moment is always feeling like I'm freaking 60years old. I have had a cold all year that just won't go away. My allergies are terrible and I am developing asthma. Great, huh? My knees are always dislocating and now I walk with a permanent limp because it is winter and I have mild arthritis in my knees and therefore cold and movement hurt. Joy Joy. Yeah, as well as the constant stress, nervous breakdowns, depression and fatigue, I get the added bonus of a steady weight loss. I now tip the scales at about 38 kilo. Nice and healthy... don't tell me to eat more dammit coz I can't fit no more in!
I am really over being told that things will pass coz I don't really believe they do. But maybe I am just a sour grape or something. I need a shoulder to cry on and I can't really find one at the moment. Everyone is sick of my problems and trust me I am sick of them too. Does there come a time when it is justified to just say don't talk to someone... start bottling it up. Anyway, I intend this to be my final splurge for awhile. I am going to bottle up for sometime, or at least not tell anyone because people are tired of hearing. Somehow I will convince myself that everything is fine. Really, it is.
Everything is fine.
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