I have a car

Well I just bought a car. Not quite, I paid a deposit, but I am transferring money over and should have it by Wednesday. How cool is that? I have a licence and a car and that is really really scary now that I think about it!

It's a green hyundai excel and it's pretty and has 4 doors and 4 (new) tyres so that's good too. I'm happy. No more lifts!

So now I have to think of a name for it, and I have to get insurance and stamp duty and rego but that's ok coz I, Cassandra Ayres, have a mode of transport other than bumming lifts off everyone. This is exciting.

3 years

Our church had it's 3rd birthday this week. For the first time since we opened, we didn't do the big celebrating thing, which I think I kinda prefered. It was like, yeah, we're a church, we're young, but we've grown, we don't need to announce our presence because people know where we are and telling people about our church is something that we should do every day of the year, not just our birthday. So that's just my interpretation of things anyway.

But with the 3rd year thing, it reminds me that I've now enrolled as a soldier for 2 years. So that's kinda cool. It made me think of committments and it made me reflect on 2 years. I don't think I can say at all that I've even come close to fulfilling that covenant, and sometimes I don't think I necessarily care much about it. That sucks, but then I know that I am just one of many who might say that.

So now I reflect and go, ok, let's make this year a little better. And that's what I will do. Or try!

Feel Sick

Wow, I feel really off today! I got up about an hour late for school today and was consequently very late but I didn't care coz all I wanted was to go back to bed! So I got a juice to try and wake myself up and it worked temporarily but then I got really yukky. I've been feeling a bit sensitive (sick) for the last week but now I'm just sitting here and my eyes are doing crazy things like being blurry and my head is spinning my stomach is churning like crazy and I've been falling asleep all day. You know that feeling of knowing if you throw up you just won't stop? I think I should go to bed! But so much homework... choices choices.

Empowered through the WORD

I feel so empowered today... why? Because today I feel just a bit stronger than usual. So I've identified those things that push me off the edge and now I'm telling satan that he can just take those and shove them. None of this polite "please, satan, I request that you leave me alone for the time being, as my emotional, mental and physical health is deteriorating rapidly because of your often inconsiderate actions, thank you" no way, whatever out contestant throws, we have to shove it back 3 times harder and not even look tired afterwards.

So what did Jesus do when He was tempted? Matthew 4, He uses scripture. People say knowledge is power, so how do you become powerful? You get knowledge and what is the best source of knowledge? God's word. I have a list in my journal of a bunch of cool verses that talk about faith, comfort and God's love. Everyday I am committing to learn one of these, and on the days where I feel tempted to delve into past habits, I will learn another and another and another until either my mind is so exhausted and inundated with God's word, or I begin to regain strength against the temptation I face.

Yesterdays:

No temptation will come your way, except what is common to others. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can handle. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Today:
You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm, and put their trust in you. Isaiah 23:6

sATAN SUCKS (Beat it sATAN)

EveN my deepest dOubts and fears are nothing in coMparison to the love that Jesus offers and yeah, I believe this, but it is sO hard to pRactice it in my life. I say in onE breath that I love Him and follow Him and in the next I am totally dishonouring Him and that is Crap. And in trUe Roman's style, "the Things I do want to do I do not do and the Things I do not want to do I do" so here Is my pledge to Not do those things or at least tell God that I do not want to and hope that in His strength I can do this for that is promised and I pray without doubting that His Grace is sufficient for me, that in my weakness He is strong and that afterall is said and done that I be a light unto the world, speak of His love and grace and tell people that no angels, nor demons, heaven or earth or anything else will seperate them (or me or you) from the love He offers us, that in Him we can trust to lead and guide us, that His love will conquer all because without love we can do nothing but with love, we can move mountains through Him who saves us from the place where souls weep and where there is gnashing of teeth.

One more thing... for so long I have defined myself as a "fucking idiot" because that is what I've heard so much. I change my mind and now every time I call myself that (or want to) I'll just tell satan to "FUCK OFF because I am one of God's beautiful children, I am his beloved Princess and cherished daughter" Sorry for language, but hey, I'm in survival mode, and when you are there, holiness and language don't play a huge role... just surving and keeping satan away so that God has a chance to get in and be the Master Surgeon. Right now I have this bad infection around my heart, and I need to fight it off so that my Surgeon can do some open heart surgery!

Car

Well it's all very exciting having a licence and all, but nothing has changed because I'm not allowed to drive mum's car. I got paid out badly at school today, because I arrived late (as I had physio) and Antony had told my teacher that I just got my licence and was probably trying to remember how to drive to school! So I walk in and Ms Ganis says "got lost driving to school did you?" It was funny though. Anyways, I am excited because I have money and I am going car shopping this weekend and that's cool! But I'm scared, because of the horrible scary car dealers who like to rip off innocent 17 year old girls with no clue about cars... so I asked a guy from church if he'll come, because I need a boy to help me!!!

I can't wait to have a car! LOL... keep thinking about it as I catch the stupid public transport with screaming year 8's... they are SO annoying and I know I sound like a snobby senior (we just got our jersey's so we feel very cool) but really, I don't remember being that annoying in grade 8...

Driving

Driving test today... I plan to stay calm... hehe we'll see... all morning I have been reminding myself how to do 3 point turns and reverse parks and what not to do...

But it kinda sucks, last night mum said even if I pass I am still not allowed to drive unsupervised! How stupid? Pass the driving test, get your license and then be restricted anyway! So I can understand her not wanting me to drive her car, so I asked if I could get my own (with my own money by the way) and once again she said no! It sucks!

Life is interesting...

"Coz I promised myself I wouldn't fall, but here I have fallen... I guess I'm not as strong as I thought now all I can do is cry to you Lord... God, you have to save me, your my last and only hope, all my right answers fail me, I can't seem to make it on my own..." Barlow Girls

16 weeks of school left until I am finished forever. Not long! Woot!

Thoughts of Chicken

Never thought I'd have to work with chicken again after red rooster... but now I have a job in the deli at Action which is soon to become IGA but anyways, I work with chicken and lots of other things now. Oh well, a job is a job and it isn't actually too bad and I get paid lots too! Lovely.

Driving test in 3 days. Very scary. Went driving today and actually did well for once... even Mummy said so.

Nearly driving test time

I did a mock driving test today and I passed. I am so excited coz the last practice test I did, I made 21 non critical driving errors and 4 critical driving errors. Today, I made no criticals, and 7 non criticals. To pass, I need to make no criticals and no more than 8 non criticals! So I divided my mistakes by 3 in one week and that is good. But two of my mistakes were simply not knowing where the lights were on the car, coz the car is different to mum's car lol. So really, I made 5 errors whilst driving. I have one more practice test, and I hope to halve the mistakes to like 3 and then on the day, get none lol!!! That's the plan anyway...

Pray for the road on Wed 19th at 11:55!!! Haha dangerous time... or perhaps after then will be more dangerous because then I may have the license and can drive on my own...

Job

Well I got fired last week, but this week I have an interview. A friend said her boss is looking for people and told me to take my resume in... then her boss just said "just get her to call me for an interview" so sounds promising. Yay, I need a job, so I can buy a car and then continue to run the car lol.

Term 3 commences

Day 1 of Term 3... note to self ... only 17 weeks of school left before I am no longer a student. That's kinda cool and kinda scary. I've always talked about how I can't wait to finish, but as students, I think school naturally in ways defines us... as in, it feels like you live and breathe school. Somebody asks you to say something about yourself, and it usually comes back to school... so who will I be after school? Very happy I imagine. This term is gonna be tough, we were introduced to our coming assessment today... very full on!!!

Had a nice moment today though... I was sent an email today about our church prayer breakfast and on it was a list of things that needed to be brought by different people. It had "Antony and Cass... juice" and I really liked that... like to be associated with Antony. And it is cool when people refer to us as an "us." Can't really explain why, it is just nice.

QPAS

Back home from QPAS yesterday. It was fantastic and I am always amazed at how quickly it goes... like the first two days drag on and you feel like you've been there for weeks and then after about Tuesday, it flies by so quickly!!!

I loved drama this year!!! I always do, but the drama not only taught us all something, but it challenged people who saw it and was heaps of fun. Jamie and Matt rule!!! LOL

But I think the highlights were firstly doing the mission elective and secondly bible study. For mission we handed out light bulbs that had scripture on the side and I was amazed at how skeptical people are in just accepting a free gift, like as though it is a scam or something. Many people thought we wanted money and couldn't grasp the concept of a free gift. At first I saw no point to the light bulb thing, but then our leader explained to us that there are 10 rungs on the ladder so to speak in becoming a christian. Effective evangelism (or mission) is moving a person up one of those rungs. So by handing out 100 light bulbs, we saw that 100 people have been moved up one rung on the ladder simply by reading a part of the Bible and coming into contact with Christians.

Bible study was great because we got to journal. For me, that is the most effective way in extracting meaning from the Bible, so to be given 1.5hrs everyday to do that was just great, and then to share what we wrote was even better. It would be really hard to say what I got out of all of it, coz there was a lot... but one thing that stands clear in my mind is attached to a story...

Luke16:10 was a verse I found and chose to remember. It says "Unless you have faith in smaller matters, you will not have faith in large ones" so I read this and think "ok, sure I can understand that"... Saturday night was the concert and I had a bag with all my toiletries, makeup and things I needed for the concert that was seperate from my other bags. I said to Megan "this definately needs to be in the car with us" as I put it next to her car. She said it definately went in... we arrive at the Halliday's house and it is not there! I freak out big time and call Cameron who also took some bags... he doesn't have my bag... then we have to go to BCT and I am stressing big time and this verse comes to mind. I share it with Emma, Bec and Megan on the way to church and we decide to pray because there is about $200 worth of stuff in it and I need all of it. So we're talking about this stupid bag and I have now been searching for it for about 1.5hrs and no luck!!!

We arrive at BCT and Georgie doesn't have it... nor does Ben whose stuff was near ours. An announcement is made to the whole camp, no luck. I am really scared now and nearly screaming and crying but I hold it together and just go "God's got it covered"

About an hour later Emma says "Cass, is that it?" and sure enough, my lovely lovely bag of treasures is sitting there... it had been accidently taken up as lost property before the cars were packed and Luke brought it back... when he heard the announcement he thought "hmm, I wonder if that is it" and yeah. So, I don't know if I had faith that it would turn up, but it did and I hugged my bag and I cried over it and then became so much more relaxed. So I learnt a little of my memory verse!!!

Camp was good. Being away from my life was good, but I am back now. I hope the things I gained from camp stay with me. Life is hard, but I can do it.

A woman who says she doesn't diet is a liar

I read this article today... a woman has just written a book about how every woman has an issue with her weight and that every woman has a secret abnormality with her eating habits, and it is therefore normal.

So, Candida is 165cm tall and 55kg. Although this is a "fat day" she weighs herself everyday and at the beginning of the week she had been 50kg and whilst she says this is disgusting, it isn't as bad as what she was on this particular day. She says she doesn't have an eating disorder, every woman eats like her...

Breakfast: Nothing, unless she is constipated in which case she eats a handful of linseed

Lunch: Maybe a glass of juice, but generally nothing

Dinner: "normal" meal of pasta, vegies etc, however it is all "portion controlled" and she does a work out after dinner to make sure she works off all the calories.

She says that no woman in the world doesn't "control her weight" and that if she says she is comfortable, she is a liar. And because of this, to binge or starve is not an eating disorder...

Interested to know thoughts...