FUEL

So, what did I think of FUEL? That' s the first question. The second question is; who actually cares what I thought of FUEL? Well I might just answer those questions...

As far as FUEL's go, I was a little bit disappointed. The music was pretty good, but I think I get tired of the same ones over and over. I mean, it seems that when new songs come out, we sing them to death, and then they are just forgotten. But when somebody plays it again it's just like "whoa, this is SO old!!!" So maybe a variety would be good... The other thing being that we use heaps of hillsong and stuff but kinda neglect some of the other Christian artists who actually I find have much more meaningful and catchy lyrics. I know heaps of people say it, but it really is a lot about us. Is it actually right to sing a song that talks about how we wanna fight, how we're gonna be out there amongst the thick of it when we're sitting(standing) in a church? I don't know, it just tends to irk me a little. Of course, those songs have their place and I often find they stir me up a bit and they certainly make me think but nevertheless, we use them too often. But I don't want to bag out anything without following up with a compliment... I found the worship leaders (and I'm hesitant to call them that) very energetic and passionate which is always a plus. They all obviously loved being up there singing and it clearly wasn't about showing off or being about them... they were just doing there thing for Jesus. So I really like that. By the way, Nathaneal really needs a haircut... LOL

The speaker was Sarah from an AOG church at Browns Plains. She spoke about how only 4% of the millenial generation (who I'm guessing are those born in 2000, although she said it was my generation, but it's not, because I am Y but anyway...) will hold core Biblical beliefs, whereas, 35% of the baby boomer gen considered themselves Christians. Her point of course being that summed up, our world is pretty warped having had 35% Christians, imagine what it will be like with only 4%. She rattled off statistics of what kids watch on TV, talked about music and media and computer games and how they can corrupt our minds. It was the standard kinda thing and I know that sounds harsh, but it was still valid. She also told us to go home and smash our dodgey material... Overall, I think the things she said were good, but needed to be less of her and more scriptual references. From what I remember, only two pieces of scripture were used and that was "Everything is permissable, but not everything is beneficial" and the part of Psalm 139 where it talks about God knowing us from the start, knitting in womb etc etc. I wonder if the message would have been stronger if she'd allowed God to have His say more??? But, one of the positives was that God was able to speak a lot to me in terms of, so what does all of this mean in my life? How do I apply it? I have ideas, but I shall keep these to myself for the time being! I tell you what, I'm totally for an analogy right now...

My life is kind of like a stew at the moment. A lot of raw things have gone into it and for a while now, the Chef has been carefully adding and changing things to make it just right for tasting. Now it just has to sit and cook/simmer (I dunno the right word) for a while and then eventually, the finished product will come out and people will see why it's taken so long...
I am the stew and I'm not gonna say that people will find me amazing, but I know God's got it all covered.

So all in all, FUEL was pretty good, worth going to, worth spending time with God and I got stuff out of it. The other thing being that I actually left really happy. At the end I went and prayed down the front and I had about 4 people ask if I needed prayer and I said no, because I was actually laughing and smiling coz I was happy to be in God's presence. Truth is, little of the prayer was for me either, it was just nice to spend that time with God reflecting, joking and praying for the people around me. It was good good. Coolies.

Drama Queen

Just thought I'd share my thoughts about how much I am loving drama these days. I mean, I've always LOVED drama, but recently it has just been meaning a lot more to me. Maybe it's just Mr Lubbers, he's so cool (even if he is a teacher) Go Lub Dawg. But seriously, drama for me is special because it is the only time that I truly feel like I am right. I am me. Nobody else influences me, it is personal, it is real and it is powerful. It is my story and I am significant. But I'm not conceited. I am in touch with who I am and if people wanna know me, read or see my drama, because sometimes it is the only time you will fully see who I am. The person who isn't scared, she's not guarding what she says and does. She is just who she was meant to be, and she loves that!!! Drama is pretty cool, and I'm so glad it is such an integral part of me!!!

Gotta Lotta Love

Wow, today I gotta lotta love, but strangely, I don't feel all giddy inside. Antony didn't do anything particularly wonderful (although we pretended to break up because he said I couldn't come to the Men's meeting as a cowgirl... what? I had my whole skit planned out, I was gunna ride in on my horse, the horse would rear up, I'd jump off with my boots and spurs, flick the hat off whilst swinging the pistols around my fingers, then in a western accent accent say "howdy cowboys." Well I thought it went very well with the theme of "wild at heart" but Antony thought differently. Oh well, Mr Halliday liked it! Back to the point though...) So the reason I feel the loves inside of me is because Bryce gave a really beautiful sermon today about suffering. It was a bit of a tribute to his good friend Gary who is recovering slowly from a stroke and at this stage, looks to be permanently paralyzed and unable to speak. He spoke of what it means to suffer, why God lets us and how we get through it. It did not tell me anything that I don't already know in mind or heart, but what it did do was show a vulnerability amongst our church that I find really encouraging. To see many people in tears and prayer just showed that all of us hurt and all of us have the chance to heal. And as I sat there in tears myself, I realised that this is what it truly means to love each other - to be real, to see your officer nearly in tears himself because he's so close to a person in the corps that is suffering, to sit there and know that it's not gonna be alright tomorrow, but it will be alright. Today, I saw that verse "when one part of the body suffers, we all suffer" and finally, this is a major part of what unity is all about. Oh and by the way, before all of this, we had an advert for FUEL and when the video was on, three of the really little kids (like 2yr olds) ran out the front and started to mosh!!! It was so adorable... move over generation Y, the next lot are in!!!

Do you know what I find amazing? Let me share...

Sometimes at school I go to the bathroom (although I really do try not to) and there will be a few girls in there, one is crying because her boyfriend just broke up with her or she had a fight with her mum. The rest are comforting her, telling her that she's beautiful and loved and generally being very girlie. Most people laugh and go "oh, stupid teenagers" but I realised something today... at least that girl will know that someone cares enough even about the superficial things (although I dare say it is not superficial in that girls life). But I look at our church (as in the full body of Christ) and we see much worse things like addiction, divorce, depression, rejection and a whole host of other problems and we don't even look sideways to see people who are hurting? How is it that a 13 year old girl can be loved for weeks by her friends and yet the child of a couple who recently divorced gets ignored by his/her church family? I think it is pretty sad to be honest. Guess what, church is not about lovey dovey nice things, it's about getting on our hands and knees and doing the work. It's about caring, loving each other for what we are and telling everyone the good news. I know personally what it is like to feel ignored by my church and I have seen just in a few years how it can completely damage a person's life, health and spiritual relationship!

I don't want to be in that group who didn't do anything. I want to know when people are hurting, not because I'm a sticky beak, but so I can offer my prayers and support to them. Give up on gossip and do something!!! If you whisper a comment to one person, but they begin to whisper to everyone else, eventually the whispering becomes so loud that it is more like screaming! And the last thing a hurting person needs is to be screamed at. Nobody even comes close to perfection and in actual fact, to stand by and let a person stay in need is even less perfect than to step up and help!

How beautiful would the body of Christ be if we weren't taken over by disease? And finally, don't become hurt or wounded if your love and support are rejected or abused, rather pray about it and forgive, as forgiveness is not about letting the offender off the hook, instead, it is about freeing your life of heavy weights!

I nearly left my church at one stage because people couldn't give me what I needed and I had the feeling that I was far too much work for people to deal with. I've seen other's leave for the same reason and it really really upsets me. So just imagine how upset God must be? But hey, I'm gunna stick around because now I believe that I can make a difference in a positive way, if I will allow God to use me. As Bec always says, "you can only change yourself" I'm learning the truth in this, but you know what, it's kinda not true because if you change for the better, you can allow people to see the difference and inspire them to change as well!!!

I am budaful, it's twoo!

This blog is actually only being written for one person in particular and she knows who she is because I have had lots of conversations with her recently. However, I am posting it because I think it is something that could be helpful to anyone who might have been feeling like this, and of course it is always important to be totally real with each other.

So life has been tough recently and I always find myself asking the age old question: "why me? what have I done to deserve this? when will it all end?" I've learnt a truth - it's not just me, it's everyone, I haven't done anything horrible to deserve it and unfortunately it will never end. Life is tough, that's just how it goes, although I can make it easier by allowing God to have the veto in my life. However this is not the point.

For a long time I have found myself battling to accept my undeniable beauty in Christ. Much of the pain and hurt I have inflicted upon myself has been because I simply loathed everything I was, am and will be. No more. At youth group camp, our pastor actually had a conversation with me and amongst a lot of hard, but helpful things he said to me, the one that cut deepest was when he looked my in the eye and said "wake up everyday and tell yourself you are beautiful" or as his 2 year old daughter says so adorably "your budaful, it's twoo."

So now I have been battling this concept of beauty. What does it mean? Does it apply to me? Is it physical or mental or emotional? Is it the things I do and say? Can I really say such a compliment about me?

Well today I have finally realised (thanks to God) that I am in fact very beautiful, because He made me like this. Cliche, I know, but hey, it's twoo. To be beautiful is to love myself - to love my body, to love my soul and to walk in confidence that I have a purpose, yet not to be conceited. It means that I don't want to be put on a pedastal, I don't need recognition, I don't even need heaps of friends and to be adored by all. All I need in this life is God and my purpose in Him. Everything else (which is actually so much) is His much too generous blessings! Thanks and praise be to Him who created me as an adorable baby, sweet child and one day, beautiful woman!!!

I am budaful, it's twoo!

Church Was Great

Well I'm home from church now, and may I just say I had a fantastic time. I have always loved my church, however like most people have at different times wished it was something else. Truthfully speaking, I couldn't ask for it to be any different at the moment. Whilst we have had a rough few years, it is obvious that everybody is ready to move on and make something good out of it all. Today was great fun! Whoever said that clapping in church is disrespectful obviously had not been to a Salvation Army church service! Why not clap in adoration to God? I can't think of a reason. Well today Brycey Boy (our favourite officer!) talked about loneliness and what people do to escape it. Apparently it is something that is very prominant in our country compared to others, and so this urges me to think more about what I can do to stop this! Nobody can change the whole world themselves, but it's pretty easy to make a huge difference in just your little sphere. If each of us inspire on other, then soon we can have a passionate, inspired race that actually makes a difference to this world for the good! Rather than being complacent and boring and spending our lives accumulating material possessions and worthless self pride and recognition! I know I personally have spent much of my life seeking the praise of others, and now I question what the point of it all was! After all, who_c.ayres about being known and loved for the brief period in time that is my life? I would much rather live my life for God and through Him, change the world for better! Wouldn't we all? I'm very sorry if this didn't make sense, but my final thing to say is this - it all depends on you!!!

The first of many

Well hello to anyone who dares to enter into my little world!!! Actually, my world seems pretty big to me!!! I'm so happy, I finally resigned from Red Rooster today after nearly two years. I don't deny that working there has taught me valuable skills, though I am definately over the fast food industry (especially in a company that is definately not fast). Hopefully I will find a new job that will pay slightly better and will give me more reasonable hours. That would be fantastic!